I love my grandma dearly, but there are times when I feel that she is unsettling or disapproving of me, or trying to change me. She left a voicemail that said “Victoria, I just wanted to let you know that there is a job fair at Temple University today. You could go and look for a job where you can make more money.”
This really had me upset, as it was a sign that she was unaware or unsupportive of my efforts to be a full time spiritual entrepreneur, sound healer and reiki practitioner. She was nudging me to get another job. I was hoping to be productive and accomplish things while sitting on the computer at my call center job, but listening to that voicemail pulled me away from the Vortex, and being in a state of self-appreciation. I also realized that the only reason that whatever she was saying had made me upset, was because there was something that resonated with what was already there inside of me. It is true that I feel like I could be more productive and make more money, or the same amount of money in a shorter time than what I do at my current job. And that is something that I am asking the Universe for. But I’ve been feeling a bit stuck lately as I do not feel the desire to move up at my current job, I’m just keeping it to have steady income while I work on reiki. So now I’m using that upset-ness or feeling of wanting to improve and focusing it into my business.
I also realized that the only reason that whatever she was saying had made me upset, was because there was something that resonated with what was already there inside of me. It is true that I feel like I could be more productive and make more money, or the same amount of money in a shorter time than what I do at my current job. (Which I already do when I give reiki sessions!) And that is something that I am asking the Universe for more of. But I’ve been feeling a bit stuck lately as I do not feel the desire to move up at my current job, I’m just keeping it to have steady income while I work on reiki. So now I’m using that upset-ness or feeling of wanting to improve and focusing it into my business. And asking for one new paying client this week. I’m very grateful for my one steady client, that may even turn into a reiki student one day soon!
As I sat reading The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks this morning, I realized that I need to get back to a state of self appreciation and into my Vortex.
“If you are angry- you are not a Vibrational Match- and you are not in the Vortex.”
“If you are feeling appreciation- you are a Vibrational Match- and you are in the Vortex.”
Once I read that line, I started to cultivate and feel appreciation for my grandma and all she has done for me and given me. She gave me piano lessons as a small child which guided my strong love and appreciation for music today. She took me to Friendly’s for lunch and ice cream sundaes (healthy right?). And she will always love me, no matter what uncensored thoughts come out of her mouth. Then I read on;
“There is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that of self.”
Yesterday when I walked out of the office on to Philadelphia’s beautiful Broad Street, buzzing with excitement, I encountered a friend that I had recently re-met at Sera Phi in West Philly. He was sitting on the corner playing his electric bass with a hat open to receive money. We talked for a bit and I asked him a few questions about his lifestyle, because he looked so free and happy. I asked “Do you have to pay rent?” He said yes I will be gathering the money to do that soon. But he said he knows that is what he is supposed to be doing. Playing music all day every day. He said “Once I committed to doing this, things just fell into place”. And that really resonated with me, as I know that what needs to happen is for me to make a stronger commitment to my business. He described his past experience with driving 2 hours every day to work in Delaware selling BMWs. He admitted that he loved being able to test drive the cars and appreciated the beautiful craft of nice cars. But he still held that he wasn’t a big fan of money- which seems to be a common idea or belief in circles of people that I surround myself with (artists, musicians, healers).
Another quote from the Vortex:
“Many people want to experience more personal wealth at the same time that they are criticizing those who are already experiencing personal wealth”
-“I would like to be rich/ Rich people are depriving poor people of resources”
I also read a portion where Jerry, one of the authors, described his relationship with luxurious cars. “Once I left my criticism of luxury car owners behind, I drove the most expensive car that was made.” And that got me thinking about my own desires when it comes to cars. I often tell myself, I don’t need or desire luxury items. But then I thought, if I were to have a nice car, I would LOVE to have a Tesla! It would be great to be a part of the revolution or evolution of the wide spreading of clean energy.
THEN, I recalled an instance a few weeks back, where I was quietly sitting at my desk at the call center, listening to the vice president of the company talk about securing her very own Tesla car. I remember thinking, oh that’s cool that she’s progressive and getting a Tesla— but at the same time feeling very jealous and anger towards the fact that I was sitting there making $10 an hour and she was some how related to the cause of that.
Reading on, “The negative emotion that you feel when you believe that others are depriving you of something is not about what they have and therefore what you do not have. Your negative emotion, in every case, is about what you are, in the moment of your negative emotion, depriving yourself of receiving.”
I realized that, the Vice President had nothing to do with me applying for and accepting that job. She also is not the only voice that determines how much money we make there. And she certainly is not keeping me there. So I want to continue to learn and practice Self Appreciation and coming into alignment with Source so that I can be abundant in my own special way. I can receive all of MY desires.
To further this goal and journey, I signed up for a workshop with Multidimensional Healer, Bette Hanson on June 5th in Malvern, PA! Check out her website here: Bette Hanson