Real Life Magic

Monday, September 5th, 2:48AM

“Everything is perfect” is the quote of Burning Man for me this year. I just had an amazing session with White Love. The craziest thing happened…

The story begins with my most recent float tank session at Halcyon Floats a week before I left for Burning Man. During my float, I saw a vision of a face that looked like a great spirit with piercing eyes. I realized that the vision looked similar to images and depictions I have seen of the Ascended Masters. After my float, I decided to do a Google image search for Ascended Masters to see if any of the faces looked familiar. Scrolling through, I looked at the images and also “felt the vibe” as I looked at each image.

This was the image

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Mahavatar Babaji

that seemed the most reminiscent of the vision I saw in the float tank. After further research, I discovered that his name was Babaji.

On the last night of Burning Man, after the temple burn, I asked one of my camp mates, White Love, if I could receive one of his healing sessions. As it was the last night of Burning Man, I was feeling a bit lonely. It is funny because leading up to Burning Man, I was all about this “Self-Marriage” that I was planning to have at Burning Man. But it turned out that once I got there, I didn’t really feel guided to do it as a serious ceremony. (Maybe next year).

Regardless, I still explored the concept of what Self Love means to me, and what the energy of Love really feels like. At Burning Man I felt like I was really able to be myself and connect with humans on a deeper level, without the societal norms and mental programs that hold us back in the regular world. And because of that experience, I did transform into a more whole version of myself. I know the concept that “I am already perfect, complete and whole”. But it’s not really what we are taught to believe. I desire to live in community with others, and in a space of interconnectedness and interdependence, and to let go of co-dependence. It was¬†also a great place to practice and experiment with my own personal desires and boundaries.

I rode on the back of White Love’s bicycle on the way back home from the Temple Burn. We made a brief stop at a saloon, and there was an air of peace, compassion and even connected solitude throughout the playa. The saloon had an amazing fire ceiling, which you can see in this video I recorded:

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Inside of the van was a large gong and a few other small instruments at the foot of the bed. The session consisted of me lying down on the bed in a resting position with my eyes closed while I listened to¬†a Quantum Light Breath recording by Richard Bock. White Love was just going to be there to guide the session with sound and he also said a few phrases and encouraged me to join in, like saying “Yessss” with a drawn out sssss. And lots of breathing in and out. I laughed and I cried and saw many different visions. I saw a native american man and woman. I saw different colors and shapes, and I also felt the presence of Babaji. I could hear specific phrases and statements from the recording that helped me to release certain blockages or “thought forms” that may have been holding me back, in relation to certain chakras. Specifically my solar plexus, heart and throat. (Well really all of the chakras). But as I felt I was mentally preparing to enter back into the real world, this session helped me to reconfigure and recalibrate my energetic body. I laughed and I cried multiple times during the session. When I “came back” from the session and opened my eyes, I saw White Love, but I thought he was Babaji. I knew he was White Love but at the same time he was Babaji. He was sitting with wide eyes and a straight spine, resembling some of the image depictions I had seen of Babaji online.

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Babaji in space ūüėČ

I didn’t say anything, as I wasn’t sure if White Love had ever even heard of Babaji. As I awoke, I started to recap my session and give thanks for the amazing healing that i felt. I feel that White Love, was merely a guide, and he guided me in the self healing process (while listening to the recording). Yet I couldn’t have done it without him. After about 10 minutes of discussion, I looked to my right and saw a photo of Babaji. It is very hard to put into words, the mystery and synchronicity that I felt. I was actually a bit frightened, just because I had never experienced anything as extreme as that before (in regards to connections with other dimensions and ascended masters). It was very real.

When I told White Love, “when I awoke, I actually thought you were Babaji”, he replied¬†“I am”. I smiled and felt very glad. I interpreted this statement to mean that he was Babaji, but he was also White Love. Maybe he was even channeling Babaji. Who knows. But all I know is that I am very grateful for this unique experience. When we started talking about Babaji, White Love said, did you know that they say that Babaji has the perfect balance of masculine and feminine aspects in his face. I had not known that, and thought it was an interesting fact. It also related to my interest in uniting and balancing the divine feminine and masculine aspects within myself.

I have told this story to so many people, but it took me a while to finally finish this blog post. I feel very grateful for my life, and the experiences I had at Burning Man.

Sending you positive, loving energy, right through this screen!

Love,

Victoria

 

 

 

 

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Sacred Cacao Ceremony

IMG_4154On Sunday, I was blessed enough to be able to attend a Sacred Cacao Ceremony at the Healing Arts Collective. Another healer, Bette Hanson, recently told me that I should meet Dante, who would be leading the ceremony. He doesn’t have a website, but I suppose I will link to his Facebook here. He is an amazing soul and shaman and healer. He¬†is a traveler, and he recently returned from South America where he spent time and learned from various shamans. I did not know what to expect from the cacao ceremony but I was very happy and my heart was wide open by the end of the experience. There are many health benefits of Cacao, but it is also a great “heart opener”.

“Ceremonial-grade cacao produces its effects not so much from caffeine as from theobromine, one of its main active compounds. It stimulates the heart. More blood flows to the brain. Blood vessels dilate and skin becomes more oxygenated.”-Elephant Journal

We started the ceremony by going around the circle and sharing our introductions, thoughts & feelings from the heart. I remember thinking, how do I know that I am speaking from the heart? Well at least having that intention is a great thing and can lead to more heart centered speech. We went on to do various meditations and journeys. One included a lot of toning, which I was very excited about. We practiced toning the Uh Oo Oh Ah Aye Eee through the chakras. At that point I really felt that I was singing from the heart, not singing from my mind or judging the sound of my voice. I could really feel the vibrations of my own voice resonating throughout my body!

There were a few key ideas that Dante mentioned throughout the experience. He mentioned that true healing is instantaneous and can happen with the shifting of beliefs. He even mentioned about “that pain in your shoulder”, which spoke right to me and I could feel the pain go away in that moment. (Sometimes it appears when I am more stressed, and sometimes it goes away. He also said that all other forms of healing modalities are secondary; true healing happens instantaneously. When we went around to share, I explained that at first, I felt upset by this notion and the idea that reiki is secondary. But I also mentioned that it could still be a very helpful tool on that path to enlightenment. And he agreed that yes, by all means it is still a great healing tool and can help a lot of people! But you can’t force someone to change their beliefs or let go of any pain they are holding during a reiki session. You can hold the space for them to have the healing occur within themselves, and a reiki session is a great place to do that!

 

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That night, I went to Coda where I would be working in the coat check for an electronic music night put on by Aspire Higher. I knew it would be a chill night, and I secretly plotted to bring out the tuning forks and do some reiki for donations. I didn’t ask ahead of time, I just started doing it and it worked out! I was lovingly explaining reiki and sound healing to the many people that came up to the booth. This is an example of not placing blame on outer circumstances and using what I have in order to further my dreams. Just today, I had a request for a private session from someone I met that night!

I also attended a Yoga and Sound Journey at Sera Phi in West Philadelphia about two weeks ago. It is a spiritual utopia in West Philadelphia with a 3,000 Watt Vibroacoustic wood floor. It is an amazing space and I will be hanging out and even hosting some events there this summer! Sera Phi

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Sound healing at Sera Phi

Recommended Resources:

Everything is Here to Help You РYouTube video by Matt Kahn, TrueDivineNature.com

Bentinho Massaro

 

Am I Polyamorous?

“As a species, we have not socially expected life long monogamy from one another until land ownership came about and suddenly women and children became extensions of property.”¬†Polyamory by Teal Swan

I know this is a harsh quote to start the¬†post with, but now that I have your attention…

I have been exploring the idea of polyamory since around 2012 when I found a book by Deborah Anapol in a New Age shop in Manhattan. I was dating a bisexual man that had also been my best friend. I wanted a way to explore my interests in other people, without having to conceal my love for him (as a good friend and partner at the time).

Now as I am a little bit older and living on my own and paying all of my expenses for the first time, I am re-evaluating my “polyamorous” identity that I held so strongly to for the past few years. I am understanding that there may be benefits to having a loving, committed and supportive partner. That’s not to say that that wouldn’t exist under the umbrella of polyamory. But for the past year I have considered myself a Solo-Polyamorist. I¬†have been holding strong to my identity as an independent single woman and the freedom that comes with it.

“If we are afraid of intimacy because we have experienced pain as a result of forming bonds with people in the past, polyamory enables us to never have to face that fear and never have to face the fear of committing ourselves to anything.”-Teal Swan

P.S. For those polyamorists out there reading this, I suggest reading the whole article by Teal Swan here, before judging her point of view.

My first boyfriend (and the first person I kissed) from my junior year in high school recently added me on facebook. When he broke up with me before he left to go away to college, I was heartbroken and I cried and re-read the breakup text message over and over, and replayed the situations in my head, dreaming of the possibility that we could still somehow make it work. I was even afraid that I would never have a boyfriend again. Little did I know that I would go on to have at least a hundred sexual¬†encounters and plenty of romantic relationships over the next few years. But now I am questioning my identity and digging¬†deeper into my shadow side to find out if I still have wounds from that first innocent relationship. In a sense, I was hurt by that breakup. And ever since, I have not been seriously “broken up with”. I have always been the one doing the breaking up, or the elusive non-committal dating and ghosting. This also may just be a part of my nature and personality as a Sagittarius woman that is always shooting for the stars, running from committment and looking for the new possibilities.

That first boyfriend added me on facebook the day after the drama that happened recently between me and a monogamous couple that I had a threesome with. I had sexual relations with the male member of that couple before and after the threesome. A few months later, my subconscious must have still felt guilty, and I told the female member of the couple. She was very upset and from her point of view, I was also “cheating”. This was a mistake on my part, and I do realize that just because I am polyamorous, doesn’t mean I should let myself have sex with someone in a monogamous relationship. Of course the male member didn’t see anything wrong with it, or at least still allowed it to happen. Hence it may not have been the healthiest monogamous relationship. This makes me wonder, why I am so attracted to couples and why do I keep getting into messy situations with couples? I wonder, am I still playing out actions to help heal the wounds from that first relationship? That may be a long shot as I think I forgave him long ago, but now I am just psycho-analyzing myself. Maybe I really am just attracted to certain people that happen to be part of a couple.

Anyway, lately I have been having thoughts along the lines of, “maybe I should just cave in and become monogamous because it would be easier and would not lead me to be so confused and all over the place”.

I really love the insights¬†written by Teal Swan, as she explores both the positives and negatives of polyamory. She says¬†that neither monogamy nor polyamory are inherently right or wrong. She ends the article by saying that it’s most important for us to be in relationships that are in alignment with our highest good.

 

“Our own evolution will inevitably again take us back down the path of polyamory. Only this time, it will be conscious polyamory. Many people whose consciousness is awakening can already feel that this is the impending path of evolution for our species. We are meant to awaken to and practice inclusive instead of exclusive love. However, by becoming polyamorous because it is the inevitable path of evolution is to rush progression. It‚Äôs the same as trying to force a baby that is crawling to run before it is naturally ready instead of honoring that healthy monogamy may currently still be the path of highest progression for most people on earth at this time. It is not a shortcoming of consciousness to be monogamous any more than it is a shortcoming for an infant to crawl instead of run on two legs. Some of the most awakened people on this earth have chosen to be monogamous because it, and not polyamory is in alignment with their current highest good at this time. We are capable of having deep, long term, committed relationships with multiple people regardless of whether they are exclusive or not. Those of us who live in intentional communities can attest to that.”-Teal Swan

I still often miss the couple that I was casually dating a few months back. I am still in contact with them and we are all on good terms. So there is always the possibility of me having relationships with them again. The key word is relationship(s) not relationship. They are two different people, but I loved being surrounded by their loving couple energy. Anyway, I was having trouble with trying to fit myself into their couple as a third member. I was looking for more support and stability and maybe even resources than it seemed right for me to ask for at the time. I was not an equal third member and that is just the reality of this 3 dimensional life I’m living. That is not their fault, it’s just the way it was. And this may be different for other polyamorous¬†groups of three with more time and/or resources or dynamics.

I know I live in an idealistic la-la land sometimes. And in that world, or maybe even in the 4D or 5D worlds, I wouldn’t have had that issue. But as I take a deep breath in, I can feel grateful for this life and the struggles and lessons learned here in 3D¬†life. I still hope to be around that couple in the future, but I do have different boundaries now.¬†Teal Swan mentioned¬†that “becoming polyamorous because it is the inevitable path of evolution is to rush progression”. So now as a young woman that may have seedling¬†thoughts creeping in about wanting to have a stable place to live and possibly have a child one day (gasp)… It may be realistic for me to question my polyamorous-ness, or my monogamous-ness or my own signature combination of the two if I can find a partner that aligns with my level of consciousness and world view. Even if I am not planning to have kids in the near future, I may need a more committed relationship for the benefit of my own energy and electromagnetic field. But for right now, I can just affirm to myself that I don’t have label myself in any way, or subscribe to one way of living. I can follow my heart and try to follow my emotional guidance system and align myself with my own highest good at this particular moment in time.

Peace & Love

Sincerely,

Victoria

 

Awaken Fair & Healer Spotlight

At the Awaken Wellness Fair last weekend, I was set up to be doing reiki healing. It was my first fair, and I will admit I was a little bit shy and nervous and I wasn’t getting as many clients as the healers around me. Luckily I was able to tell myself that I can get at least one client before the end of the day. I received a “Mind, Body, Soul” healing session from the healer, David, next to me. I knew this would help get my energy up in order to receive a new client. I met an older lady outside of the entrance to the fair. She asked how she could get in for free and luckily I had an extra coupon for free entry! I gave her my card and told her that I facilitate¬†reiki healing. She said, “I would try that.” So, this lady became my first paying reiki client! She enjoyed the brief 20 minute session, and she said that she felt a lot better and “lighter” after the session.

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Before this, I also met a healer named Juanita. I just found out that the ride I was counting on to take me back to Philadelphia from New York could no longer make it. Of course, I could just take Megabus, but I still felt disappointed that my friends were no longer coming to see me and I had to find another way home. Juanita waved to me and I went over to her section. She asked if she could give me a hug. She must have felt that I really needed it in that moment, because I was so happy to give her a hug and I felt more welcomed to be a part of the fair.

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Juanita

She is a reiki energy healer¬†and she also creates her own jewelry and infuses it with reiki energy. Here are her websites: Your Reiki Relief¬†& Nitjuan Designs. She allowed me to try her tuning fork. I was very excited because I am currently studying sound healing in a class called ReikiSound. I tapped the tuning fork on the quartz crystal and let it vibrate near my 3rd eye, and all the way down my Hara line to my feet for grounding. I could only feel good energy from Juanita and I was also happy that she took the time to chat with me and give me tips on how to grow my professionalism as a reiki healer. And she probably knows that we are all connected as humans, so it doesn’t hurt help someone else out!

 

This is something that I just read in the book “I AM Love” by Tyler & Corey McEnroe. In the thought patterns that we were raised with, it would have appeared that Juanita and I were both competing for the same clients on that day. But my reiki level 1 teacher always said that he believed that there wasn’t really room for fierce competition in reiki. The right clients will find the right practitioners and the right students will be guided to the teacher that is best for them.

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NYC¬†sunset holding “I Am Love”

 

Living My Divine Life Purpose

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So I recently ordered my new business cards from Vistaprint.com. When I was riding the Megabus from San Francisco to Los Angeles this past September, I connected with another awakened soul while coming out of the rest stop back on to the bus. We talked about his life as a nomadic street performer and meditator. Who knows if his street performances were any good. He was quite silly and I was a little bit cautious while talking to him. But nevertheless, he is a memorable character that stuck in my head and had an influence on me. He gave me his business card and it read Albertus Magnus; Mystic, Sorcerer, Licensed Psychonaut, Certified Shaman Tenor, Comedic Savant, Doctor of Divinity. On the back it also said; Intergalactic Interdimensional Indivisible, Ascended Master Medium Entertainer.

I asked him “How did you come up with all of those things? and are you really a medium for the Ascended Masters?” He said, “I wrote these things because that’s what I want to be known as, and I just made them up, and soon they will become reality.”

This idea really stuck with me. We are the ones that form our own identity. Of course we are learning to work hand in hand to co-create with our friends and the Universe. But we have to make the important decisions and decide how we will react to what the Universe gives us. So, Shhhhhhhhhhh…. I’m not really a Reiki Master Instructor just yet! I am a Reiki Master though, and I love to live out that passion of mine any chance I can get.

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My new business cards!

Last night while working my job as a Coat Check Attendant at a local night club that I enjoy very much, one of the owners of the club came in to the Coat Check to chat and ask if we were attending the holiday party. It’s going to be held on January 31st. I told him that I’m not sure if I can¬†make it because I will be doing Reiki healing in NYC all day from 10am to 5pm that day. He asked what is Reiki? I went on to use my go-to explanation; “Have you ever heard of Tai Chi? Well the ki in Reiki is the same as Chi in Tai Chi. And it’s kind of relaxing like Acupuncture but without the needles.” He mentioned that he could use some relaxation and went on to call it “freaky reeky (reiki)”. I said that I would do it for him right there in the coat check. After a few moments, he put his hands in Gassho position and closed his eyes. I put my hands on his shoulders to start, because I didn’t want to mess up his slicked back, gelled hair. “I’m starting to feel tingles,” he said. I also got to his heart. And the best part was that we both came out of the experience feeling extremely relaxed.

The other titles on my business card; Sound Healer and Music Business Professional, are also notions of where¬†I want to be. The truth is, my ReikiSound Level 1 class starts THIS WEDNESDAY! I couldn’t be more excited. I know that by the time the business cards come, I will have taken at least one class. Plus I have been playing singing bowls for at least two years on my own.

I feel awesome when I give a Reiki treatment, and so far, all of the client feedback has been awesome too. I know that being a healer is a part of my Divine Life Purpose. I can’t deny that. It’s just a matter of how much time and effort I spend every day forwarding that dream. I have not yet applied to any “jobs” at healing studios because I felt pressure from my family to find a job in the music business since that is what I went to college¬†for. And I am interested in being involved in the music business. But I also want to spend a portion of each day being my true self and shining Reiki love and light on the world.

I will be doing Reiki healing and hopefully some sound healing too on January 31st in NYC. You can book a session with me in advance by following this link, or you can show up that day and be healed! http://ppcgroup.fullslate.com/

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Book a session in NYC with me!

Divine Masculine & Divine Feminine

I will admit that I’m no expert on the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. But what I do know is that every one of us has our own divine feminine and divine masculine energies within. Lately I have been carrying around my black tourmaline and my small selenite stick, sometimes one in each hand, sometimes resting them on top of each other.¬†selenite-and-black-tourmaline

I also recently discovered the Non-Traditional Reiki Symbol Ran Sei while reading the book Claiming Your Inner Gifts by Marnie Vincolisi. I am still gaining familiarity with this symbol, but one of the things that the symbol can be used for is balancing masculine and feminine energies within. I experimented by giving myself a session with the symbol and the intention of balancing my own masculine and feminine energies and felt it to be a good tool. It looks similar to the symbol “Long Say”, but it’s a bit different. Other than that, I have also been loving the energy of Dai Ko Myo. I am very excited to take the Reiki Master Instructor class so that I can learn how to pass attunements.

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I also attended a Yinyasa yoga class last night¬†at Amrita Yoga & Wellness in Fishtown, Philadelphia. I felt amazing after the class, and I would love to attend more Yin style yoga classes in the future. Last week, my Qigong teacher¬†was mentioning how he thinks Yin yoga is becoming so popular because we really need a break from the fast moving life style of our current society. He also said that he knows the originator of Yin Yoga! I thought that was pretty cool. Even though Reiki is an abundant, infinite source, I am interested in building up my own personal “Chi”. I think this will help me to become a stronger and more energetic person, as well as helping more people during reiki sessions.

In other exciting news, two new people came into my life and I really like both of them (a man and a woman). I love hanging out with them, but I also like to have my alone time. I was worried that they would think I was a unicorn or even a “hot bi babe”. I do understand that they started dating before I came into the mix and want to respect their relationship to each other. But so far, things have been working out naturally. The lady and I even got to go to dinner at the restaurant where the man works, and had him as our server of a delicious feast. Life felt pretty magical in that moment. Or as the beautiful lady would say, “The Universe loves us!” (Then I escaped to have some alone time at the Yinyasa yoga class).

And for the last bit of exciting news, here is my music video debut! I also feel that the Panda aesthetic of the music video goes along with the theme of this whole post.

Life~Transitioning Out of College

So, in the midst of watching this video by Ralph Smart, I started crying because of the pressure I feel from my family regarding my post-grad life. There is a lot of stress building up inside of me.

I have been noticing a trend where my parents tell me what they think I should do, or what they would prefer that I do. Lately I have been wondering if there is some deeper psychological reasoning behind this. For example, when I said I would like to be a massage therapist, my mom said, “you could just do that on the side, or for fun”. And when I spent the weekend supporting a Sound Healing Therapist at the Mind Body Spirit Expo, she said “Yes, you will get a job, but I’d rather you don’t sell bowls at a Flea Market.”

I do understand that my college education was worth a lot of money, and that my parents spent money to help put me throught it. But I wish they could be a bit more supportive of my true feelings. Or the idea that doing something I love will make me 100 times more successful. Anyway, the principle I was pondering has something to do with personal regrets, or personal wanting to “live vicariously through me”. I know that she wants me to succeed, but it seems that the advice she gives me is often coming from a place of pressure and worry rather than love and support. I hope I do not sound like a brat. I just want to aim my life in the positive, conscious direction. It is ok to recognize the things that upset me and try to think of a solution.

And my mom is not the only person that has been bothering me lately. My uncle (her brother) as well. He works for a large oil company and he is a very intelligent engineer. I love him, but I never say it because he has never said it to me. Also, he is very uptight and likes to interrogate family members sometimes. After watching this video though…:

I was feeling pretty good about my whole uncle situation. I was telling myself that he wants the best for me, but he always tells me to apply for 50 jobs, and that I should have already applied to 50 jobs by now. Well after watching the video, I learned that “we have the power to choose whether or not we want to invite this person into our temple, which is essentially, within ourselves.” So yes, I wholeheartedly¬†agree and I felt very empowered when I heard this.

But on the other hand, everything that Ralph says is ideal, and I am slowly transitioning to new life principles and ways of living. But I guess I have to be a bit more patient. Right now I am kind of like a lost dog, because I am still under the financial wing (or paw?) of my parents. And since they helped me with my college education, I do feel the need to please them or satify them at least a little bit. I need to hear them out at least. — I am super excited to be starting this book called “You Are a Badass – How to stop doubting yourself and start living an awesome life” by Jen Sincero. In the Introduction she says “This is about getting mighty clear about what makes you happy and what makes you feel the most alive, and then creating it instead of pretending you can’t have it. Or that you don’t deserve it. Or that you’re a greedy egomaniacal fathead wanting more than you already have. Or listening to what Dad and Aunt Mary think you should be doing.” ¬†As you can see, that last line really spoke to me.

I am also in an Intro to Eastern Philosophy class where we have recently covered the philosopher Mengzi. Mengzi believed that all people had essentially good seeds inside of them at birth, but it is a matter of a combination of nature and nurture (and even self nurture) that cause these seeds to grow. So, I always try to see the good in people that I come across in my daily life.

BUT it is REALLY HARD when it is my own family members, and I feel like I do not really belong. When I went to a Tantra Wisdom workshop called Free the Emotions a few months back, I asked the teacher why she came here from California. She said that she came here to take care of her dying mother. And meanwhile, she was also doing her work. I had mixed feelings about that workshop, but overall I admit it was pretty effective. Anyway, she also mentioned that there is a need for more LOVE, and spiritual, conscious people in the Philadelphia area. So I do agree, and I recognize a major need for this. (Although I’m not sure the “market” realizes their own needs for this.) But I think that in this point in my life, I need to find more spiritual teachers that can love and support me from a higher level. I am not ready to be supporting the grumpy masses of Philadelphia! ¬†(Maybe just not yet )

That was my rant for the day. I feel a lot better now. Thank you for reading.

xoxoxo

Victoria

Link of the Day: Radical Honesty

The kind of lying that is most deadly is withholding”¬†– Brad Blanton, Radical Honesty

After doing a homework assignment on Google and its business structure, I learned a little bit about the way Google search works. The algorithm favors pages based on the amount of times they have been linked to by other pages. This is a way to weed out spam and prove that the linked pages are of importance to other internet users.

I am constantly growing my self, my image, my mind and ethics based on other people’s ideas and philosophies. And I don’t think of that as a bad thing. As long as I give mention to those that strongly influence me. I thought of posting a Link of the Day as an easy way to explain where a lot of my ideas come from. In addition, maybe this will help spread the influential ideas and people that I think are useful or interesting.¬† Continue reading “Link of the Day: Radical Honesty”

Acid/ OkCupid Love Story

The air is moist on a misty night in the Art Museum area. What would have been a seemingly average night to most urban families on a bike ride, or kids skidding¬†around at Paine’s skate park- was far from average for me.
It’s hard to recount the order of vignettes on this night of child-like glory. On acid, we became¬†our true selves. We become¬†the¬†people¬†that laugh at the things we like to laugh at, and cry if we feel moved to. We aren’t afraid to show our playful sides, like most adults are forced to hide in today’s constricted society.
A few weeks earlier, I had met a zealous boy from OkCupid. I had never expected too much from the site, just to find a warm body to smoke and sleep with, and possibly discuss music and philosophy if I was lucky. But this person seemed very different! Orientation: Bisexual; Ethnicity: Black; Relationship Type: Strictly Non-monogamous.  In his Self Summary section he wrote:
I prefer to be considered demi-sexual (sexual affinity forms after a bond is made, that bond, for me, being friendship) and pansexual (I don’t really care about your wiggly bits just as long you have a body that does stuff like breathe and be cute).
I am a satyr. My patron is Dionysos and my boss is Pan.

He and I¬†made a connection during our first “date” (if that’s what you want to call it), which took place in Drexel Park and consisted of doing handstands and sitting in the grass. While¬†running my hands through¬†his beautiful, short¬†locks, he told me “I was kicked out of my house for being queer, so I went to live with a friend’s Dad for a few months”. Surprisingly, I was not skeptical of this somewhat outlandish story or character; strolling, with his six pack abs, into my life. “I had a job at Pathmark for a few months, but I was miserable, crying during my 15 minute breaks at work…. I needed a full time job, and I finally found a job in Old City at the Franklin Fountain.” He went on, ¬† “I was with my ex for three years, and we just went through a break up about three months ago…”.

“Why did you end it? Did it end well” I asked.

A few weeks later, we find ourselves in that very same park,¬†coming up¬†on acid. Playing around the Water Works and alongside the Schuykil is always fun, but when we’re on acid and transformed into fairy-like versions of ourselves.

He is brown, I am peach. Although our parents might see us on a more black and white scale.
It is 2014; 51 years from the time Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. I am frustrated that progress has not occurred more quickly; but I still have hope for the future, and I have dreams of my own. I dream that I will not have to worry about giving birth to a multiracial son that will be shot for walking into a convenience¬†store. “I will mourn Darrien Hunt for the rest of my life,” is another anecdote within the depths of ArmillanSatyr’s OkCupid profile. If it weren’t for the well-grounded Dominyck, I probably would not be concerned with such an issue.¬†But on this magical night’s trip, troublesome matters are pushed to the back burner for the both of us, and neither of us are really on the ground. Literally. We were practicing gymnastics and capoeira; a Brazilian martial art. I am a centaur and he is a satyr. He is a feisty Peter Pan and I am his Tinkerbell, flying through the air. All is well in the land of hedons.

Overlooking the¬†long grassy, slightly inclined area of land that leads up to the back of the art museum, we sat¬†on¬†one of the many rocks that form a cliff. Being the creatures¬†with natural inclinations to climb dangerous objects that we are, I followed the satyr¬†up the side of the mountain, feeling safe with him always. Pangs in the back of my throat were telling me that something was trying to get out. Things we normally don’t say or speak in our daily lives because they could be risky have a tendency to slip out while LSD is in use. Sitting on a rock ledge, I pulled out my journal to see if I could understand what I was thinking, or communicate what I was trying¬†to say, since I knew that I tend to communicate more easily through writing. I read from my journal “Dominyck is great… I’m so glad he is poly” Tears began¬†to trickle¬†down my cheek, the words fighting for air, ” I … I … I … love you,” I said with tear enhanced vulnerability.

Pause.

Silence.

“Wait right here”, he said and scurried away down the rocks and across the valley.

Oh my god, I thought, did I scare him by moving to fast, does it seem like too much, too soon?

.
.
.

“Victoria Powell, I love you too!”, I heard a declaration¬†from across the grassy incline.

Filled with joy. I had opened myself up like an empty treasure chest and was filled with gold and all of the precious jewels I could ever imagine. In fact, it was something better than that, a mystical moment where I felt the all-powerful yet evasive, unconditional love.  I explained that loving him was a thing I did, a verb. And I wanted to keep doing it.

“So we’re a poly couple now,” he said.

“Yes, sure”, I replied. Not thinking too much about the fact that he recently told me he wanted to be “living independently” after the breakup with his girlfriend of three years. The concern crossed my mind, but I knew I was ready to be in a polyamorous relationship, and I had a hunch¬†that I would not be as controlling¬†or time-consuming as his aforementioned ex. So lets give it a try, I thought.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am free.
We are both living independently together.