This morning I attended a workshop at the lovely Healing Arts Collective, a place near and dear to my heart as it’s a place where deep healing occurs for me as well as the clients I work on. I am so grateful for the owners, Adrian and Debora, as well as my fellow practitioners and teachers there.
I am also grateful for Jeff Carreira for inviting me to the workshop and giving an introduction to the workshop. He opened the workshop with a brief silent meditation, which is what he is known for teaching. He explained his philosophy and method towards meditation; there is no method. Just let go, and whatever happens is what is happening. He also mentioned the idea of natural growth. He gave an example, babies turn into toddlers which turn into kids… and so on. Without self-help books or worrying whether their cells will develop correctly. (I still love self-help books). It’s just the natural growth that’s integral to life on this planet. It happens without trying. He also gave the example of a tree. A tree doesn’t have to try. It just grows and heals naturally. If it’s limb gets broken off in the storm, it keeps growing and healing. Unfortunately as humans, we don’t have the capacity to grow back our limbs (yet). But we do have the capacity to heal our emotional wounds and move past them. As Jeff gave this introduction, I was really excited for the possibilities of what might occur for me energetically during the class. He finished by saying that, natural growth will happen for all of us and it helps to remove and blockages that may be blocking or resisting that growth. And as I gave my personal introduction to the class as we all went around and introduced ourselves, I said, “I consider myself a generator, so I’m interested in the idea of natural growth and letting go.” I can still be a generator, as it’s part of my Human Design chart, but I can learn to use that to my advantage. So I am now focusing more on the idea of allowing the growth that feels right, and not pushing myself or being impatient with myself.
Going into the class, I figured it might be similar to the breathwork I’ve done previously in yoga classes. I didn’t have a high expectation, which is a good way to be! But I can gladly say that the class exceeded my expectation. Jeff handed the workshop over to Michelle D’Avella to lead the breathwork portion. When she announced that she was from LA, I was very excited because I love California and I could tell she had that laidback LA vibe. She described the breathwork technique that we would be using for the next 45 minutes. A deep breath, half into the belly and half into the chest, then breathe out- all done through the mouth. She prefaced by saying that we might feel tingling in our hands or in our mouths, as this might be a sign of energy that is trying to move but we might be holding on to. She even made slight sounds with the breath. We started by following her guidance, then we could breathe at our own pace. I started to get a bit light-headed, and my mind was giving me some resistance to keep up with the breathing. I really did not think it would be this transformational, but it was! The breath is our life force energy, so it makes sense that moving it so vigorously and intentionally could be a great healing tool. The technique may seem simple, but it takes a good teacher to hold the space for this healing to occur. And Michelle was able to do that in a very compassionate way. She was also like a personal trainer, giving us the positive encouragement to keep up and keep going with the breathing. There were portions were I felt like I needed to take a break, as the emotions and feelings arising were so strong. But as the group kept going it was easier to jump back in.
I could feel some stuck energy in my knees, so I moved around a little bit, as Michelle said we could if we felt we needed to. I was also initially resisting the music, as the lyrics were triggering different emotions to arise in me. And the tears came out. And she comforted us, “It’s ok to cry. Let it out. Crying is where healing happens.” Usually I would expect peaceful music with no lyrics, like in a massage or reiki session. And lately that is most of the music I listen to, and music without lyrics. I think that in the past few years I have not been letting myself cry as much, or feeling like I shouldn’t cry as it may bring others down. But now I realize that crying is extremely healing and I’m thankful to have had that space today to be vulnerable in a group setting. I realized that the music was perfect, as it really was triggering (in a good way) different emotions for different people. Of course, everyone had their own individual experience. But it was also amazing to hear that many people had similar experiences as we shared at the end. 3 or more people said that they could feel their hands vibrating. And one other woman also said her hand felt stuck in a certain position at one point (as was mine). I did have an insight or realization about the deep love that I have for my father. As my hands were shaking, I thought about my father and his Parkinson’s disease. Lately as I see him cope with this disease in his life, I wonder where it came from and ways that he could potentially heal. I know there are many stories of miraculous healings from God and the Divine. But I also believe that many holistic therapies could aid him greatly. I wonder if it could be linked to repressed emotions. Anyway, I know he has to choose to heal himself and I don’t think he realizes that as a possibility. But I will give him unconditional love and support as much as I can.
In my own healing process, I recently released an “entity” that was on my back. And I am still healing that space, and I’ve noticed major changes and occurrences in the past week since that occurred. Some of these occurrences included drama and being lashed out at, and feeling like I am someone’s enemy because of something I did in the past. I had sex with a man, even though I knew he had a girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. Later on, I brought myself to tell the girlfriend, as it must have needed to come out of my subconscious. Of course they broke up. And now, months later, there is still sadness and anger surfacing and being directed towards me. I don’t blame them for this, as much as it hurts me, as blame is only resistance. And I can now accept this and understand this, as breakups really do hurt. They are hurt. I have apologized and I have learned my lesson. And there is nothing I can do now but have compassion for myself, and own my own feelings and pain.
So, usually when I think of “Heartbreak” I think of times when I was broken up with, or I broke up with a significant other. But in this case, this involvement with this other couple has also affected me. I can’t stifle myself, but I am now practicing being more aware and cautious of who I choose to sleep with. I even knew from the start that something wasn’t right in that situation. But it’s in the past now. And the healing of heartbreak that occurred today and recently, was healing from many different instances that happened in the past. Most likely not just from that one situation. But it’s a paradigm shift that’s helping me get back in touch with my heart and my true feelings. Michelle knew that the hurting energy was coming from my heart and she placed her hands on my shoulders and head which helped me feel better. And today I truly feel that I love myself unconditionally.
Overall it was a wonderful healing experience and I look forward to doing more Breathwork in the near future!
Love & Light