“Do What You Love”

WhatUnexpectedkindness is themost powerful,least costly, andmost underratedagent of humanchange

I have been reading the book “Creating Money” by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. It’s a great book and I’m learning a lot. I highly recommend it! But there is still a part of me that is resisting the paradigm shift; resisting giving myself the full permission to do what I love.

“Many of you shun the path of your greatest creativity, joy, and aliveness, thinking that you will not be able to make enough money from it. We want to help you believe that you can have an abundance of money doing what you love to do; we want you to recognize that you do not have to stay in jobs that do not serve you.”-Creating Money

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I am even ok with accepting another part time job or even better, a business opportunity while I continue building my practice as an Energy Healer. But I feel quite stuck in my current part time job. I have applied to a few other jobs but nothing seemed to feel quite right or have the pay rate I was looking for.

I discovered that there is a Thai Massage class being held in OCNJ during the week when my family will be there. It is $800 for a 50 hour training. This more than the amount of money I typically make in two weeks currently. But I was so excited when I saw the class listing. I am letting it soak in to determine whether it was a passing excitement or a sign from my higher self to follow through and sign up for the class. As of right now, I really feel called to do it! I just mentioned it to my manager to request off for that week.

I just got off the phone with a patron that stayed on the phone for 45 minutes. I was very patient but near the end I had to show a little bit of impatience in my voice. He was an older man asking various questions about the free concerts this weekend. During the phone call, I closed my eyes and I could feel something happening in my psyche. It made me wish that I could send him healing energy and have a genuine conversation with him. Since I am here at the call center, I have to stick to the guidelines of giving out information regarding the tickets and performances. It’s funny because the Training Manager always says “hide your script” and “just be you.” Obviously I can’t just be me! But I’m not complaining.

Lately I have also thinking about my ego. Of course I believe that we need to have an ego to promote and differentiate ourselves in this world. But the key is to have it balanced.

 

I’m off to PEX Summer Festival for the 3rd year in a row! I will keep you updated on my experience when I get back on Monday!

Mantra for the weekend: I love my life!

https://beautifulchorus.bandcamp.com/track/i-love-my-life

 

Experiencing Breathwork

This morning I attended a workshop at the lovely Healing Arts Collective, a place near and dear to my heart as it’s a place where deep healing occurs for me as well as the clients I work on. I am so grateful for the owners, Adrian and Debora, as well as my fellow practitioners and teachers there.

I am also grateful for Jeff Carreira for inviting me to the workshop and giving an introduction to the workshop. He opened the workshop with a brief silent meditation, which is what he is known for teaching. He explained his philosophy and method towards meditation; there is no method. Just let go, and whatever happens is what is happening. He also mentioned the idea of natural growth. He gave an example, babies turn into toddlers which turn into kids… and so on. Without self-help books or worrying whether their cells will develop correctly. (I still love self-help books). It’s just the natural growth that’s integral to life on this planet. It happens without trying. He also gave the example of a tree. A tree doesn’t have to try. It just grows and heals naturally. If it’s limb gets broken off in the storm, it keeps growing and healing. Unfortunately as humans, we don’t have the capacity to grow back our limbs (yet). But we do have the capacity to heal our emotional wounds and move past them. As Jeff gave this introduction, I was really excited for the possibilities of what might occur for me energetically during the class. He finished by saying that, natural growth will happen for all of us and it helps to remove and blockages that may be blocking or resisting that growth. And as I gave my personal introduction to the class as we all went around and introduced ourselves, I said, “I consider myself a generator, so I’m interested in the idea of natural growth and letting go.” I can still be a generator, as it’s part of my Human Design chart, but I can learn to use that to my advantage. So I am now focusing more on the idea of allowing the growth that feels right, and not pushing myself or being impatient with myself.

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Going into the class, I figured it might be similar to the breathwork I’ve done previously in yoga classes. I didn’t have a high expectation, which is a good way to be! But I can gladly say that the class exceeded my expectation. Jeff handed the workshop over to Michelle D’Avella to lead the breathwork portion. When she announced that she was from LA, I was very excited because I love California and I could tell she had that laidback LA vibe. She described the breathwork technique that we would be using for the next 45 minutes. A deep breath, half into the belly and half into the chest, then breathe out- all done through the mouth. She prefaced by saying that we might feel tingling in our hands or in our mouths, as this might be a sign of energy that is trying to move but we might be holding on to. She even made slight sounds with the breath. We started by following her guidance, then we could breathe at our own pace. I started to get a bit light-headed, and my mind was giving me some resistance to keep up with the breathing. I really did not think it would be this transformational, but it was! The breath is our life force energy, so it makes sense that moving it so vigorously and intentionally could be a great healing tool. The technique may seem simple, but it takes a good teacher to hold the space for this healing to occur. And Michelle was able to do that in a very compassionate way. She was also like a personal trainer, giving us the positive encouragement to keep up and keep going with the breathing. There were portions were I felt like I needed to take a break, as the emotions and feelings arising were so strong. But as the group kept going it was easier to jump back in.

I could feel some stuck energy in my knees, so I moved around a little bit, as Michelle said we could if we felt we needed to. I was also initially resisting the music, as the lyrics were triggering different emotions to arise in me. And the tears came out. And she comforted us, “It’s ok to cry. Let it out. Crying is where healing happens.” Usually I would expect peaceful music with no lyrics, like in a massage or reiki session. And lately that is most of the music I listen to, and music without lyrics. I think that in the past few years I have not been letting myself cry as much, or feeling like I shouldn’t cry as it may bring others down. But now I realize that crying is extremely healing and I’m thankful to have had that space today to be vulnerable in a group setting. I realized that the music was perfect, as it really was triggering (in a good way) different emotions for different people. Of course, everyone had their own individual experience. But it was also amazing to hear that many people had similar experiences as we shared at the end. 3 or more people said that they could feel their hands vibrating. And one other woman also said her hand felt stuck in a certain position at one point (as was mine). I did have an insight or realization about the deep love that I have for my father. As my hands were shaking, I thought about my father and his Parkinson’s disease. Lately as I see him cope with this disease in his life, I wonder where it came from and ways that he could potentially heal. I know there are many stories of miraculous healings from God and the Divine. But I also believe that many holistic therapies could aid him greatly. I wonder if it could be linked to repressed emotions. Anyway, I know he has to choose to heal himself and I don’t think he realizes that as a possibility. But I will give him unconditional love and support as much as I can.

In my own healing process, I recently released an “entity” that was on my back. And I am still healing that space, and I’ve noticed major changes and occurrences in the past week since that occurred. Some of these occurrences included drama and being lashed out at, and feeling like I am someone’s enemy because of something I did in the past. I had sex with a man, even though I knew he had a girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. Later on, I brought myself to tell the girlfriend, as it must have needed to come out of my subconscious. Of course they broke up. And now, months later, there is still sadness and anger surfacing and being directed towards me. I don’t blame them for this, as much as it hurts me, as blame is only resistance. And I can now accept this and understand this, as breakups really do hurt. They are hurt. I have apologized and I have learned my lesson. And there is nothing I can do now but have compassion for myself, and own my own feelings and pain.

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So, usually when I think of “Heartbreak” I think of times when I was broken up with, or I broke up with a significant other. But in this case, this involvement with this other couple has also affected me. I can’t stifle myself, but I am now practicing being more aware and cautious of who I choose to sleep with. I even knew from the start that something wasn’t right in that situation. But it’s in the past now. And the healing of heartbreak that occurred today and recently, was healing from many different instances that happened in the past. Most likely not just from that one situation. But it’s a paradigm shift that’s helping me get back in touch with my heart and my true feelings. Michelle knew that the hurting energy was coming from my heart and she placed her hands on my shoulders and head which helped me feel better. And today I truly feel that I love myself unconditionally.

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Overall it was a wonderful healing experience and I look forward to doing more Breathwork in the near future!

 

Love & Light

-Victoria

 

 

 

 

 

My Healing Journey

I am very grateful to Eileen for the energy healing session that I received yesterday. While I do feel that this is a very private and intimate experience that occurred, I am also excited and eager to share what I can about my experience. I feel that she has helped me greatly and I highly recommend her!

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I have had chronic back pain for many years, I can remember having it since high school. I remember telling my grandma about it and she said, “Oh it’s probably from those flips you did in Cheerleading”. Although I didn’t remember a specific incident in any of the sports that I participated in, I thought she could be right. And as I started to learn about the Mind-Body connection, I grew more curious of where this pain could really be coming from. I knew that it faded in and out at times, and when I was on vacation or relaxing, and easing my stress, the pain was less strong. So I mostly thought it was caused by general “stress“. But I still knew I had to change something about my mind and my energetic vibration.

I have tried many healers and holistic healing methods to deal with this pain. The first time that experienced metaphysical healing was an Akashic Record healing in April of 2015. I told him about my pain and he placed his hand on my right shoulder to facilitate the healing. It was an unbelievably magical experience, as I had never felt anything like it before. It’s hard to put into words but basically it felt like Source energy flowing through my right arm and body. So after that, I definitely felt a significant change in my vibration, but eventually the back pain continued.

During the session yesterday, we talked a bit first about what is going on in my life and where I want to be. I told her that I am excited about my path as an Energy Healer and I can’t wait until I have enough clients and workshops to make a living full time doing this work. Of course, she was very realistic with me and told me that it is a slow process and I shouldn’t quit my job just yet. As a veteran of the Music Industry, she understood my struggle and reassured me “you can bring your reiki with you no matter where you go, or what you are doing.” While the past year after graduating from college has been rough, I realize now that I am discovering and building my own path and career. These are experiences that I need to have, in order to heal myself and understand the healing of others as well.

“In my Intuitive Energy Work sessions, I utilize channeled Intuitive information and energetic healing methods including Integrated Energy Therapy®, Usui and Lightarian Reiki, Intuitive Readings, Metatronia Therapy®, the Akashic RecordsColor TherapyAuric Clearing, and Cord Cutting I work with clients to clear away any lower vibrational elements attached to the energy fields which cause distress, raise the body and soul’s energetic vibration, and help work through and release emotional and physical issues to transform into your most joyous, successful and inspired self.” -Eileen of Intuitive Energy Work

I am not saying that the other healers and healing methods I have tried did not work. They all have helped me along my healing process (which is ever-expanding). There will always be new things to work on and heal within myself. But I am just ecstatic about the connection that I made with this particular healer. The funny part is, I found her by googling “Energy Healer Music Industry”, as I was looking for someone that might be intertwined in those two worlds and understand me as well. At first I felt a little bit shy to open up to someone I had never met over the phone, but within a minute I felt very comfortable as I felt like I was talking to a loving human and friend. Eventually we got to the energy healing and I lied down on my bed with my eyes closed. She explained some of what she was doing as we went along, which was interesting to me and useful for me to know.

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She called in various Angels including Archangel Michael and Archangel Gabriel and she said that Archangel Gabriel will stay with me for a few weeks. She asked, “Do you have back pain in your middle back?” I did not mention anything about this pain, so I knew she could really intuitively feel it. I replied that “Yes it’s usually my upper right shoulder,” but I knew she was still sensing the same thing. She said “What happened when you were 14?” and I burst into tears. I had not cried this freely for as long as I can remember. I think the fact that it was a distance session also helped me to let out these emotions and tears. I didn’t even know what had happened when I was 14… I just was crying. She said “When did you have your first boyfriend?” I told her that that wasn’t until I was a junior in high school so I would have been older than 14. This conversation in the midst of the energy healing really helped me to pinpoint and gain clarity of my own healing process. I thought for a moment along the lines of my first sexual experiences with men and something came to mind. I was at a Slightly Stoopid concert in 2008 with two of my best friends. We had been to high school dance where the common dance was “grinding”. We also liked to talk to random people at concerts. It was a Slightly Stoopid concert so of course there were plenty of people drunk and under the influence of other drugs. I remember dancing with a man (maybe in his early 20s?). I remember seeing my friend kissing the guy she was dancing with. For some reason that wasn’t happening for me. I remember looking back at his face and not really having the desire to kiss him, as I had never kissed a guy before and didn’t know if I would be good at it or how to do it. As I write this, I am remembering what occurred. He was a white guy with short brown buzzed hair. He was tightly grabbing my hips as was common in the method of grinding. I feel like I enjoyed being close to another human but I was also unsure of him. I saw other girls with boyfriends in high school, but me and my friends didn’t really have boyfriends yet. He was putting his hands inside the edges of my shorts. Eventually he got to the inside of my sacred vagina. I think he was drunk, and I may have been a little bit buzzed myself. I am not sure of whether I wanted this to happen or not, but he definitely did not ask for permission or have my consent. Consent was not something I really knew about at the time. I basically thought, “I didn’t say no or tell him to stop, so he must have been in the right.” But thinking back now, at that age, I wasn’t even at the age of consent! As I repeat this story, I think maybe I rationalized the experience afterwards to tell myself it was better than it really was. I am even catching myself rationalizing the experience in a way that doesn’t acknowledge my pain and hides my true feelings as a woman. I told myself that it wasn’t a big deal, he just fingered me.  I know that I had my own issues and I probably chose this to happen to me. And the man was probably not trying to harm me at the time, or maybe part of his soul was missing and he didn’t care if he hurt me. (But I like to believe in the good in people). And these thoughts and beliefs may have been part of my rationalization and hiding my own sadness. Anyway, as the healing occurred, I thought of this incident and kept crying even more. Eileen said that a negative entity had attached to me at that time. She said “yes this was a traumatic experience for you”. I realize that there is much more to the incident than the physical act of a man a barely knew fingering me. It involves my own state of consciousness and being and vulnerability at the time, and how I reacted to the whole situation before, during and afterwards in that period of my life. But until yesterday, it had not hit me that that period of my life and that incident had so much to do with my chronic pain. And now I wonder about this negative entity. Where did it come from? Was it from that man? Or was it from somewhere else in the metaphysical dimensions that latched onto me in that state of vulnerability?  And how was Eileen able to clear that entity away from me so effectively? And today that ghost of that pain that I felt for so long is still healing. But this was the most clearing that I had ever felt. I know that I feel great and this feels like a breakthrough for me.

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I am confident in myself as a Reiki Healer, and my current level of development of my gifts. The clients that come to me are ready for the healing that I can help them with. As I continue to grow and learn as a healer, I would love to be able to help people as deeply and effectively as Eileen helped me!

Love & Light

Victoria

 

 

New Moon Reiki & Sound Healing

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Last night, I was feeling drained and “uninspired”. But I still knew that I had to host a group healing session the following morning. I left my tuning forks at my parents’ house, so I decided to go home and sleep on my mattress.

When I woke up, it was 9 am and my phone had died and my alarm was not able to wake me up! I told Adrian that I would be at the yoga class at 10am. Thoughts running through my mind were, “Should I cancel it?” “Will anyone show up?” “Will I have good energy to give to the recipients?”. Since no one had replied to the facebook event, I wasn’t sure if anyone would show up. But I knew that it was also posted on the Healing Arts Collective website. Since I was feeling a bit flustered and tired, and had racing thoughts from the move this week, I was worried that I wasn’t prepared enough for the event, even though we planned it a few weeks in advance. And even if people did show up, I worried, “Am I prepared enough? Will they like what I have to say? Will they feel relaxed?”.

I asked Adrian if I could enter the yoga class late and he said yes. I parked in the Whole Foods parking lot and on my way I checked the Facebook event to see 1 Attending! It was a beloved family friend. Actually my best friends’ mom! She is a yoga teacher and she was the first person to ever take me to a yoga class in high school. I felt relieved to see her in attendance when I entered the yoga class! I felt relieved because I knew I didn’t have to try to impress her. Then, I spotted a friend named James aka Flesh Prince that I met at the Sacred Cacao Ceremony. He is a Reiki practitioner and a musician as well! Here is his dreamy music video:

I knew that he has good energy so I was glad that he was there. I was so glad that I made it to the second half of the yoga class, as I could really start getting in the zone for the Reiki and Sound Healing session. I thought I would be nervous about talking and opening up the session, but really I just had to be myself. I read a review of myself from someone on LinkedIn that supervised me in the Media Fair Trade Committee back in high school.

She wrote “Victoria is a gentle, soft spoken, thoughtful young woman. I watched in total amazement as she delivered a moving and compelling talk — still with her mild manner — to all the teachers and principals of her then high school, Penncrest, explaining why Penncrest should become a “Fair Trade School.” Her authenticity was her power. She convinced her audience! Penncrest became the “First Fair Trade Public High School in the US.” This is just one example of what I witnessed in Victoria when she worked with me. She’s got great integrity and will continue to be a change-maker.”

The fact that she wrote “gentle and soft spoken” in a positive review made me feel really good. I can still be soft spoken and be a public speaker. I don’t have to change who I am, as long as I am loud enough so that everyone can hear. My tone and nature are still generally “gentle and soft spoken”. I am also quiet, meaning that I allow pauses or moments of silence when I am talking. And by being my true self, I can attract my tribe.

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I still had a bit of shyness as I started to speak and instruct people on what I would like them to do. But I realized that, while my mind was planning all of the options and possibilities of what I wanted to say or how I wanted things to go, no one else had any expectations, or at least, they had no way to know if I messed up or forgot something. Once I began the healing part, I started by playing some singing bowls and eventually I put on some music by Source Vibrations . Then I went around to each individual with my tuning forks and gave them ReikiSound™ through the tuning forks and Reiki with my hands. Once I was doing this, I could allow the world outside to fall away and focus on the present moment, connecting with each individual ~ (I believe that using the Master symbol helps me to connect on a soul level). There were 6 people in attendance. That is double the amount that I had last time! I am very grateful for this, and that’s why I ended the session by saying “Thank you everyone”. There was one lady in attendance that I had never met before, and she said she heard about the event through Healing Arts Collective! After the event we talked a little bit and she told me of her dreams to use her voice for healing. She envisioned being able to improvise and use the frequencies for healing. I told her that I learned how to do this in my ReikiSound™ class, but I am still working on opening my throat chakra and being less shy about my voice. This gave me the idea that I could really focus in on my niche or target audience of clients, and have my first Reiki class be called “Reiki Level 1 for Musicians”! I naturally feel empowered when I hold and use my tuning forks, singing bowls and didgeridoos. These are my creative tools for healing. So if you are a musician, looking to unleash your creativity, I am here for you! The date has not been set yet, but look out for this class in Philadelphia soon!

Love & Light

-Victoria

Denial vs. Acceptance

The theme I’ve been recognizing this past week is denial vs. acceptance. In this video by Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep), he says that the first step to Stop Caring What Other People Think is to stop pretending that you don’t care what anyone else thinks. This really stood out to me, as lately I tend to adopt an attitude of “anything is possible” and “it will all work out perfectly”. While I do believe that the Universe is always conspiring to help me, I can’t always have a happy go lucky attitude and expect all of the work to be done for me.

Back to the idea of denial vs. acceptance… When I was in yoga class at Studio 34 yesterday, I was feeling a bit sore and frazzled and stressed from moving. And I could feel the soreness on my right side of my body, which fluctuates depending on how I sleep and my stress levels. ( I can’t wait to have my bed and more eclectic furniture in our beautiful West Philly home of healers and yogis.) The teacher, which I first met at a Yoga Sound Journey night at Sera Phi, was taking the class very slowly. This gave me time to draw inwards and really be conscious of my body. The way I have been relating to my body has been changing a lot lately. There are times where I almost feel like I am not even in my body! But I also love my body and I’m very excited to start living a healthy lifestyle with plenty of superfood smoothies, bananas and herbs! I realized that we become like the people we surround ourselves with, that’s why I chose to move in with two beautiful goddesses that live conscious lifestyles. One has brought a Berkey filter, to filter our fluoride & more from out tap water. She also placed a shungite crystal inside of the filter to energize our water. I am so grateful and excited for this year ahead of me.

Anyway, I noticed that along with my optimism and ability to envision the future, I may sometimes forego the present moment. In the yoga class, I was really able to just sit with myself and talk to my body and tell it that “it’s ok that you have pain, you don’t have to be perfect”. I also was inspired to start talking to myself because of an article in Wisdom magazine, along with this video interview of Danielle LaPorte, author of The Desire Map. The article in Wisdom is called Your Cells are Listening: How Talking To Your Body Helps you Heal. When we see people talking to themselves on the street, we assume they are either using a wireless earphone or they are crazy! Well, maybe my new technique should be to just buy a wireless earpiece so that I can talk to myself. Or I can watch Ralph Smart’s video and let go of what other people think of me! As he mentions, we will always care to some degree, but we shouldn’t let it affect our decisions. Also going along those lines is resistance. I realize that the more I resist things, the more power that gives them. The more I focus on something else, that can raise my vibration. Anyway, once I started to accept my pain, it seemed to dissipate, moving me towards my desired outcome. So I’m going to work on doing this in all other areas of my life as well! Accept where I am, as it’s exactly where I need to be.

I do know that when I am at events like PEX Summer Festival, Symbiosis Gathering and Burning Man, I can be myself times infinity. (I haven’t been to Burning Man yet, but I am planning on going this year and camping with the HeeBeeGeeBee Healers and I couldn’t be more excited!) Today during my session with Angela, I realized that one of the things I love talking about the most is Burning Man, or anything else related to Burner culture or transformational music festivals. I realized that I am a Transformational Leader!