Am I Polyamorous?

“As a species, we have not socially expected life long monogamy from one another until land ownership came about and suddenly women and children became extensions of property.” Polyamory by Teal Swan

I know this is a harsh quote to start the post with, but now that I have your attention…

I have been exploring the idea of polyamory since around 2012 when I found a book by Deborah Anapol in a New Age shop in Manhattan. I was dating a bisexual man that had also been my best friend. I wanted a way to explore my interests in other people, without having to conceal my love for him (as a good friend and partner at the time).

Now as I am a little bit older and living on my own and paying all of my expenses for the first time, I am re-evaluating my “polyamorous” identity that I held so strongly to for the past few years. I am understanding that there may be benefits to having a loving, committed and supportive partner. That’s not to say that that wouldn’t exist under the umbrella of polyamory. But for the past year I have considered myself a Solo-Polyamorist. I have been holding strong to my identity as an independent single woman and the freedom that comes with it.

“If we are afraid of intimacy because we have experienced pain as a result of forming bonds with people in the past, polyamory enables us to never have to face that fear and never have to face the fear of committing ourselves to anything.”-Teal Swan

P.S. For those polyamorists out there reading this, I suggest reading the whole article by Teal Swan here, before judging her point of view.

My first boyfriend (and the first person I kissed) from my junior year in high school recently added me on facebook. When he broke up with me before he left to go away to college, I was heartbroken and I cried and re-read the breakup text message over and over, and replayed the situations in my head, dreaming of the possibility that we could still somehow make it work. I was even afraid that I would never have a boyfriend again. Little did I know that I would go on to have at least a hundred sexual encounters and plenty of romantic relationships over the next few years. But now I am questioning my identity and digging deeper into my shadow side to find out if I still have wounds from that first innocent relationship. In a sense, I was hurt by that breakup. And ever since, I have not been seriously “broken up with”. I have always been the one doing the breaking up, or the elusive non-committal dating and ghosting. This also may just be a part of my nature and personality as a Sagittarius woman that is always shooting for the stars, running from committment and looking for the new possibilities.

That first boyfriend added me on facebook the day after the drama that happened recently between me and a monogamous couple that I had a threesome with. I had sexual relations with the male member of that couple before and after the threesome. A few months later, my subconscious must have still felt guilty, and I told the female member of the couple. She was very upset and from her point of view, I was also “cheating”. This was a mistake on my part, and I do realize that just because I am polyamorous, doesn’t mean I should let myself have sex with someone in a monogamous relationship. Of course the male member didn’t see anything wrong with it, or at least still allowed it to happen. Hence it may not have been the healthiest monogamous relationship. This makes me wonder, why I am so attracted to couples and why do I keep getting into messy situations with couples? I wonder, am I still playing out actions to help heal the wounds from that first relationship? That may be a long shot as I think I forgave him long ago, but now I am just psycho-analyzing myself. Maybe I really am just attracted to certain people that happen to be part of a couple.

Anyway, lately I have been having thoughts along the lines of, “maybe I should just cave in and become monogamous because it would be easier and would not lead me to be so confused and all over the place”.

I really love the insights written by Teal Swan, as she explores both the positives and negatives of polyamory. She says that neither monogamy nor polyamory are inherently right or wrong. She ends the article by saying that it’s most important for us to be in relationships that are in alignment with our highest good.

 

“Our own evolution will inevitably again take us back down the path of polyamory. Only this time, it will be conscious polyamory. Many people whose consciousness is awakening can already feel that this is the impending path of evolution for our species. We are meant to awaken to and practice inclusive instead of exclusive love. However, by becoming polyamorous because it is the inevitable path of evolution is to rush progression. It’s the same as trying to force a baby that is crawling to run before it is naturally ready instead of honoring that healthy monogamy may currently still be the path of highest progression for most people on earth at this time. It is not a shortcoming of consciousness to be monogamous any more than it is a shortcoming for an infant to crawl instead of run on two legs. Some of the most awakened people on this earth have chosen to be monogamous because it, and not polyamory is in alignment with their current highest good at this time. We are capable of having deep, long term, committed relationships with multiple people regardless of whether they are exclusive or not. Those of us who live in intentional communities can attest to that.”-Teal Swan

I still often miss the couple that I was casually dating a few months back. I am still in contact with them and we are all on good terms. So there is always the possibility of me having relationships with them again. The key word is relationship(s) not relationship. They are two different people, but I loved being surrounded by their loving couple energy. Anyway, I was having trouble with trying to fit myself into their couple as a third member. I was looking for more support and stability and maybe even resources than it seemed right for me to ask for at the time. I was not an equal third member and that is just the reality of this 3 dimensional life I’m living. That is not their fault, it’s just the way it was. And this may be different for other polyamorous groups of three with more time and/or resources or dynamics.

I know I live in an idealistic la-la land sometimes. And in that world, or maybe even in the 4D or 5D worlds, I wouldn’t have had that issue. But as I take a deep breath in, I can feel grateful for this life and the struggles and lessons learned here in 3D life. I still hope to be around that couple in the future, but I do have different boundaries now. Teal Swan mentioned that “becoming polyamorous because it is the inevitable path of evolution is to rush progression”. So now as a young woman that may have seedling thoughts creeping in about wanting to have a stable place to live and possibly have a child one day (gasp)… It may be realistic for me to question my polyamorous-ness, or my monogamous-ness or my own signature combination of the two if I can find a partner that aligns with my level of consciousness and world view. Even if I am not planning to have kids in the near future, I may need a more committed relationship for the benefit of my own energy and electromagnetic field. But for right now, I can just affirm to myself that I don’t have label myself in any way, or subscribe to one way of living. I can follow my heart and try to follow my emotional guidance system and align myself with my own highest good at this particular moment in time.

Peace & Love

Sincerely,

Victoria

 

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Life is the real Spiritual Teacher

I can read as many spiritual texts as I want, and attend as many classes and seminars as I can, but nothing beats the lessons learned from living life and expanding my consciousness.

“The play of opposites produces beauty

The difficult times and the difficult challenges and the difficult people; they are not all to be frowned at and to be frustrated with. They do not specifically exist to cause you to not be happy and free.

More often than not, the things that you find really enchanting and creative and that touch you in a deep place, you’ll find that those things came to exist by way of the difficulties caused by frustrations and challenges.

When it is daytime we do the things that daytime calls for. We make use of the daylight to the best of our ability and sometimes we take the time to do nothing but to sit back and relax in the warmth and beauty of the sunlight.

When the nighttime comes, we use that time for rest and also for recreation. Sometimes we sit outside and enjoy the breeze and we look up at the sky where we see the stars twinkling, and we see the moon being true to itself as it is in that moment. Sometimes it is a half moon or a crescent, and sometimes it is a full moon; the look of which leaves us in awe.

Even when you can’t help but to frown at life, let all of the frowns and frustrations be at the surface of your being, because the things that cause frowns and frustration exist only at the surface level. Deep down at the bottom line of life, there is always beauty. And it is with that beauty that you should stay connected to because that beauty is not separate from who you truly are.” – Babajide Faseyi 

 

I wanted to write this post as a thank you to my friend Babajide F.

He is a conscious man in Philadelphia working as a bike courier, but he is also an amazing writer and author. He is very generous as he “writes his heart out” and posts inspirational, truthful and spiritual insights on facebook every day. Sometimes I wonder, “why isn’t he famous yet?” But during our phone conversation today, he told me that there is no need to rush our life’s journey. He even explained that as humans, we are a part of nature as well, and he used the analogy, “there is no way that a caterpillar can turn into a butterfly in one minute, or that a 3 foot tree can turn into an 8 foot tree in an hour.”

I told him that I often see quotes online that say something along the lines of :

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Or even worse:every-day-like-its-your-last

I told him that these quotes often make me feel stressed or rushed, or questioning why I haven’t gotten to where I envision myself to be. Where I know I can be in my dream world, and why that isn’t translating into reality as quickly as I may like it to. His response was very comforting. He said, there is no “day”, there is only right now. And that may sound like it could make me even more rushed, or to want accomplish everything right now! But I know that he meant that I don’t have to stress or worry about the future or the past, what I have and haven’t yet accomplished in the real world, because I am me (a spiritual being having a human experience). tumblr_mldobbiyuq1sn04vzo1_1280

I found this quote as I was searching for the other quotes. It is interesting to philosophize about this quote from the perspective that Babajide brought to me. Buddha was not saying to rush & live every day like it’s your last! But maybe something more along the lines of just be present in every moment, and be here now. Open your eyes and look out the window and see the beautiful trees, air and sunlight. And give yourself a big hug and say “I love and accept myself.”

I wanted to share a brief story of an unfortunate event that happened in my life recently (or fortunate depending on how you look at challenges). So, I have a Tinder profile, as many millennials in this day and age do. I listed my website and the fact that I am a Reiki Master. I received an inquiry for a Reiki session on my website and found out that he discovered me through Tinder. I was excited to book my first session at the Healing Arts Collective. Long story short, he said he “didn’t feel anything” after the session was over. He asked “what was that supposed to do?”. On his intake form he had written “No Goals” for what he would like to get out of the session. Afterwards he did mention that he wished we had connected more, or that I could explain a bit more about Reiki since it was his first session. Of course I knew that the Reiki was flowing through me during the session, but he may not have been open to receiving the healing energy.

I told Babajide of this story, and he comforted me once again by saying; “Everything happens in the spiritual realm before it happens in the physical realm”. He said that even though this man may not have immediately felt any physical effects, he still may have felt healing in the spiritual realms, or you may have changed his life. Even though this man may have only wanted to meet me for some sort of date, the Reiki session still occurred.

It was definitely a learning experience. I should also remember to “practice without expecting”, as a few of my teachers have said. This means to give a reiki session without planning or hoping for a certain outcome. I still usually hope that the receiver feels good afterwards, and have a positive intention for the greatest healing good. But, I still can not let myself get upset or offended if someone does not “feel anything”. Babajide also said that it is ok to explain or translate things to those who may be at a different level of consciousness. He said that in his writings, he sometimes has to write so that the general public can understand it, even though the message is coming from a very highly conscious level. In the future, I hope that I can be more communicative and be able to explain reiki to clients and people all over the world.

 

Sincerely,

VKP

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Victoria’s New Home for Reiki!

I am so happy to announce that I will be available to do Reiki and sound healing sessions at the Healing Arts Collective on South Street! (519 South 9th Street to be exact).

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I will be available for sessions every Wednesday from 10 AM to 8:30 PM. If that time does not work for you, please let me know and we can work something out.

I am so excited about giving Reiki sessions in this studio, because of the great community that surrounds it. I have taken classes and attended gatherings including the First Friday Conscious Yoga & Dance party and Community Wellness Day. I attend Kundalini Yoga classes at the studio (almost) every week. And I have learned so many new energy techniques just by attending classes and learning from the amazing teachers.

Last night in Kundalini Yoga with Haripal Singh, he mentioned that each one of us has our own aura, or electromagnetic signature. I love talking about auras, but I really liked his choice of words to describe it; “electromagnetic signature”. We did plenty of Breath of Fire in various poses throughout the class. Among the many benefits of practicing the Breath of Fire technique is that it:

“Charges your aura and circumvent force to give you greater protection against negative forces” – Kundalini Yoga Info.com

Anyway, I liked his phrasing because, for the more science minded people, it explains that even though we can’t see it, we do have energy around our bodies, just like any other unseen energy on the electromagnetic spectrum.

 

 

Love & Light,

Victoria Kae Powell