Radical Action~ Infinite Possibilities~ Life Journey

So, I am in a place where the path in front of me is a wide open field. I have infinite possibilities.

I wanted to also say that I have changed my perspective a bit since my last post, and I (sort of) cleared things up with my Mom a bit. I told her that I thought she did not respect me experimenting with the healing properties of singing bowls. She replied that she respected me doing that, but she would like me to have a steady job. So in a sense, I understand where she is coming from.

I just need to spend time with my own intuition, and really make life decisions on my own at this point.


But, I added the title of Radical Action to this post because I am really interested in experimenting with new things and learning every single day of my life! With my hard work mixed with what must have been the Ascended Masters, or Spirit or just “luck” or whatever you may want to call it, I received a prize of $1,333 a few weeks ago. I debated for a while of what I should put my money towards. I made the decision to buy a new Retina MacBook and I am very happy with it so far! It is much lighter than my old MacBook pro, at only 2 lbs. and it has an upgraded speaker sound. Although laptop speakers can’t really beat a full speaker system, these new MacBook speakers sound a little bit less like they are coming out of a laptop.

Beatsology Team before the Ian J. Berg Business Plan Presentation
Beatsology Team before the Ian J. Berg Business Plan Presentation. Businesswoman Victoria

Anyway, I spent the last week preparing for the Ian J. Berg Business Plan Competition at Drexel University with my team “Beatsology”. We created a lengthy business plan and concept for an app that synchronizes your personal music library with a BPM template for your workout based on speed, intensity & more. Although I am still getting over my shyness, I do enjoy the thrill of public speaking. And although I don’t often wear business attire, I felt like a million bucks when I wore this outfit, graciously planned by my sister. As we stood up to present to the judges, my heart was beating out of my chest, but I delivered my points with a smile. In the end, We won third place! Hence, we will be receiving $333 each. So with the right attitude and preparation, good things do come, I am learning. I am still figuring own my true opinion on “free will”. But my opinion is still similar to the one I theorized in high school philosophy class. That we have a combination of determinism and free will. Although the word determinism sounds kind of harsh, so maybe I will say “It is written”, a phrase which I learned from one of my favorite books, The Alchemist. At the same time, there are infinite possibilities, but I am following my heart to figure out which paths may be best for me.

Music Production Class with D.V.S.* at Chapel of Sacred Mirrors
Music Production Class with D.V.S.* at Chapel of Sacred Mirrors

So as I mentioned, I am trying to expand my comfort zone and I decided to use my second prize winnings to attend this electronic music workshop at Chapel of Sacred Mirrors in Wappingers Falls, New York! I have not created music in the past few years, but I will unearth my knowledge and talents as I have taken music lessons since I was a young little lady.

Of course, there were small doubts creeping in, like, “you’re not really an electronic musician” or “you’re not advanced in production enough to benefit from this workshop.” Or “you’re not going to make money from growing your musical talents”. But luckily, I followed my intuition in my decision making process, and went with my initial instinct which was “OMG they’re having a music workshop at CoSM; I have to be there!”

Here is a version of D.V.S.*s song Axé Babá that I retuned to 43200 Hz and added an 8 Hz binaural beat for your brainwave entrainment pleasure. At the workshop, I plan to work on some more healing music and collaborate with other attendees.

In the near future, I will enroll in a Reiki Level I class, or find a private teacher. I used to have doubts about these things, but I realize that I can do these things while still having a job. I am a multifaceted individual!





Life~Transitioning Out of College

So, in the midst of watching this video by Ralph Smart, I started crying because of the pressure I feel from my family regarding my post-grad life. There is a lot of stress building up inside of me.

I have been noticing a trend where my parents tell me what they think I should do, or what they would prefer that I do. Lately I have been wondering if there is some deeper psychological reasoning behind this. For example, when I said I would like to be a massage therapist, my mom said, “you could just do that on the side, or for fun”. And when I spent the weekend supporting a Sound Healing Therapist at the Mind Body Spirit Expo, she said “Yes, you will get a job, but I’d rather you don’t sell bowls at a Flea Market.”

I do understand that my college education was worth a lot of money, and that my parents spent money to help put me throught it. But I wish they could be a bit more supportive of my true feelings. Or the idea that doing something I love will make me 100 times more successful. Anyway, the principle I was pondering has something to do with personal regrets, or personal wanting to “live vicariously through me”. I know that she wants me to succeed, but it seems that the advice she gives me is often coming from a place of pressure and worry rather than love and support. I hope I do not sound like a brat. I just want to aim my life in the positive, conscious direction. It is ok to recognize the things that upset me and try to think of a solution.

And my mom is not the only person that has been bothering me lately. My uncle (her brother) as well. He works for a large oil company and he is a very intelligent engineer. I love him, but I never say it because he has never said it to me. Also, he is very uptight and likes to interrogate family members sometimes. After watching this video though…:

I was feeling pretty good about my whole uncle situation. I was telling myself that he wants the best for me, but he always tells me to apply for 50 jobs, and that I should have already applied to 50 jobs by now. Well after watching the video, I learned that “we have the power to choose whether or not we want to invite this person into our temple, which is essentially, within ourselves.” So yes, I wholeheartedly agree and I felt very empowered when I heard this.

But on the other hand, everything that Ralph says is ideal, and I am slowly transitioning to new life principles and ways of living. But I guess I have to be a bit more patient. Right now I am kind of like a lost dog, because I am still under the financial wing (or paw?) of my parents. And since they helped me with my college education, I do feel the need to please them or satify them at least a little bit. I need to hear them out at least. — I am super excited to be starting this book called “You Are a Badass – How to stop doubting yourself and start living an awesome life” by Jen Sincero. In the Introduction she says “This is about getting mighty clear about what makes you happy and what makes you feel the most alive, and then creating it instead of pretending you can’t have it. Or that you don’t deserve it. Or that you’re a greedy egomaniacal fathead wanting more than you already have. Or listening to what Dad and Aunt Mary think you should be doing.”  As you can see, that last line really spoke to me.

I am also in an Intro to Eastern Philosophy class where we have recently covered the philosopher Mengzi. Mengzi believed that all people had essentially good seeds inside of them at birth, but it is a matter of a combination of nature and nurture (and even self nurture) that cause these seeds to grow. So, I always try to see the good in people that I come across in my daily life.

BUT it is REALLY HARD when it is my own family members, and I feel like I do not really belong. When I went to a Tantra Wisdom workshop called Free the Emotions a few months back, I asked the teacher why she came here from California. She said that she came here to take care of her dying mother. And meanwhile, she was also doing her work. I had mixed feelings about that workshop, but overall I admit it was pretty effective. Anyway, she also mentioned that there is a need for more LOVE, and spiritual, conscious people in the Philadelphia area. So I do agree, and I recognize a major need for this. (Although I’m not sure the “market” realizes their own needs for this.) But I think that in this point in my life, I need to find more spiritual teachers that can love and support me from a higher level. I am not ready to be supporting the grumpy masses of Philadelphia!  (Maybe just not yet )

That was my rant for the day. I feel a lot better now. Thank you for reading.